One of the things that I like to collect are different pendants. This habit started when I was in college because I have a challenge wearing cheap jewelry due to metal allergies. So, to save money and change my look, I have a jewelry box full of pendants in different shapes, sizes and symbols. Some of these hail from the furthest corners of the world, and each one of them usually has a story behind it. Often, I will wear different pendants because they inspire me to write for different reasons.
The pendant I’m wearing today is one that I usually wear under my shirt, because I have a tangible fear associated with wearing it out in public. The intricate design is of a pentacle intertwined with a crow and, as you might imagine, there is a story associated with how this pendant came to be in my possession.
A few years ago, I was researching the myth of the Corn King around November and I stumbled, quite literally, onto several world myths of the Raven. Sometimes, when I’m investigating different mythologies, I feel a spark of inspiration that I can’t explain. It’s a bit like planting a garden and one day looking outside to marvel at the sprouts coming out of the ground. You know, intellectually, how photosynthesis might work, but it’s still a wonder to you. In order to be inspired, I have to let my rationality go, so I can wander in the garden without seeing every molecule or watching every process as it happens. I have to embrace that creativity without question and without a second thought.
After I began to read about Celtic and Native American myths, my inspiration began to take over. I lit candles and incense. I went for a walk in the dark. I watched a sunset. I embraced the idea of letting go and what the harvest meant to me. Most importantly, I dreamed and I was happy.
About a month later, I got a package in the mail from a dear friend. As it turned out, she had ordered some jewelry from a website and had received a pendant by mistake. Immediately, she contacted the store who not only told her to keep the pendant, but they’d also mail her what she ordered as well. And that, dear reader, is how this particular pendant came to be in my possession.
So, I’m sure by now you’re wondering why, if this pendant symbolizes such a happy time for me, why I’m afraid of wearing it in public.
Although I grew up in an ultra-conservative household, I am neither conservative nor am I very religious. (Note: For definition’s sake, I acknowledge that there is a difference between religion and spirituality.) Even before I wanted to be a writer, I was a musician who didn’t really (and still doesn’t) see these lines that define us. (Music is a universal language, after all.) I’ve always believed that everyone has a story to tell, which is why I have friends and loved ones that hail from different backgrounds. If you’ve heard me speak on panels, you know that I’m fierce about the idea that there is no one path to publishing. Well, for me, that applies to real life as well.
Many people in my part of the country see a pentacle or something that isn’t related to their beliefs and have an instant opinion about it. Usually that opinion is not a positive one, and stems from some sort of superstition, which is odd to me because I’m not superstitious at all. I guess you could attribute that to all of the research that I’ve done, but when I don’t know something, I research it.
Both the crow and the pentacle are symbols that mean something to me, which is why I felt it was only fitting to create Mahochepi for my e-book THE QUEEN OF CROWS. Like nature, she’s neither good nor evil. She just is and she can’t be controlled, no matter how hard you try.
Even though I’ve connected with the pentacle and crow symbols on a level that I cannot explain, I’m sadly familiar with the fact that they signify (for a lack of a better word) evil or devil worship to others. The stereotypes and the portrayal of the symbol in occult films hasn’t helped matters any, either, but that’s true of several symbols – the swastika, the priest’s collar, a black cat, etc.
Maybe I’m not brave enough to wear this pendant above my shirt, or maybe I’m just too tired of pulling out the “Well, actually…” scholar hat on people or dealing with the stupid accusations. In an ideal world, people would ask rather than judge, but this is not that world. So for now, I’ll continue to wear it along with the other pendants I have, and hope that one day I’ll encounter more open-minded people in my daily activities. Until that day comes, I will continue to hide in the shadows, write my stories by candlelight and keep my symbols to myself.
Lately, I’ve been obsessing about semantics, how we choose our words, and what effect a personality type has on both. Take self-promotion just as an example. To tell an introvert to get out there and “Sell yourself!” might make someone feel uncomfortable. Turn that around for a second and say something like, “Help someone know more about you.” Same thing. Different words.