When the Work is Not Enough

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I’m wrapping the tail end up of a very dark period for my work. The subject matter – death – combined with news all around me and some really stupid b.s. forced me to question what I was doing. Was it work-related? Absolutely not. John, Phil, Steve (Jackson) and Company have treated me like gold. No, it was writing-related in that everyone around me started freaking out about “the lists.” Where did their book place? How many reviews did they get? Who’s selling better than they are? How many visits do they get? Who follows them back? Can they get a blurb from so-and-so?

I know this mood began in October because that’s when I mentally put myself in a deep place for a story I enjoyed writing, but didn’t want to write. It was painfully honest in a way that is so, so, so hard for me in my work. I normally leave the philosophy to the Kurt Vonneguts of the world, but down that rabbit hole I went for the sake of a story that made me cry.

It didn’t end there, however, because to get into this character’s head I had to think about my own mortality and what it meant. Add additional stories with death as a theme on top of that, and it nearly dampened my defiant spirit. As an artist, it simply means, I want my work to live on, to be enjoyed by others. But will it? Ah, that’s where my own lists came into play. Am I popular enough? Have I written enough? Am I accepted by my peers? And so on, and so forth, etc. Remember, I’ve been in marketing for many years, so I see past the b.s. I don’t call people on it, because to each his (or her) own, but running around worrying about all these things you can’t control is not only incredibly counterproductive, it’s damaging to one’s psyche.

This damage is what leads me to write this post today.

The publishing industry is in flux. It has always been ever-changing, unpredictable, and based on personal preference with a fair amount of relationship-building. There are cliques, yes, but there are also groups fans generate to support authors all by themselves. This is not the work portion of the publishing industry, this is the people segment. This is where these lists come from, because it’s no longer about writing a wonderful tale, it’s about what happens after-the-fact. The “list” is an author’s way of validating his or her work. It’s extrinsic rewards versus intrinsic and, to be brutal and blunt, this happens to every author because there will always be one more item on “the list” to measure ourselves by.

With me so far?

Hrmm… So what can we cross off our proverbial lists? We can nurture career opportunities and allow them to flourish, provided we err on the side of opportunistic and not ostrich, but you have to be on the lookout and know how to work with other people and not be an antagonistic jerk. (Although, I’m pretty sure the trolls I’ve come across probably wouldn’t remember me, because they’ve somehow taken it upon themselves to validate their work by putting other people down. Yes, there is a subset of jerks out there. And they can kiss my *ss. It’s hard enough being an author; there is no excuse for being a bully.)

Can you guess what happens when the extrinsic rewards we seek do not meet or beat the intrinsic love and value we place on what we do? That, right there, is when the work is not enough. It happens to EVERYBODY.

Regardless of opportunity, though, there still needs to be a “Yes, I believe in your work.” on the other end of the line. Please, take the spirit of these points and don’t min-max the specific words used. There is ALWAYS an exception to every rule, but my point still stands. We can set the groundwork for success, but there are no guarantees.

With that very long-winded caveat, here are many things that are not within an author’s control.

  • What most (not all) online and offline retailers like Amazon do to sell your books.
  • The internet. SERIOUSLY.
  • How many reviews you get.
  • How much PR you’ll have.
  • How many readers show up to your readings/signings.
  • What the reviews state.
  • How others are influenced by reviews.
  • How well your book will sell.
  • Finding an agent (or a good one) that wants to represent you.
  • Getting paid what you’re worth.
  • If you’ll get optioned or not.
  • If, when your story has been optioned for a TV show/movie, that it ever gets made.
  • What other authors think of you (or your stories).
  • Getting paid on time. (Or at all.)
  • Piracy.
  • Your competition. (If that even exists.)
  • How many books you have to write before you can earn a living.
  • What the next big “hit” will be.

So what is an author to do?

Take charge of the only thing we can control as creatives: the work itself. Leave the effing lists behind and let someone else worry about that. The more time we waste fretting about what someone will (or won’t) do, the less time we have to create.

    Mood: fiery
    Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: Not done yet.
    Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: a walk
    Yesterday’s Projects: Game, Editing, Fiction
    In My Ears: Challenging the Empire from Final Fantasy VII
    Game Last Played: Battle Nations (I HAZ A BATTLE RAPTOR ZOMG!)
    Movie Last Viewed: Thor
    Book Last Read: Leonardo Da Vinci’s Notebooks
    Latest Artistic Project: Cross-stitch
    Latest Release: Redwing’s Gambit for Bulldogs! the RPG

Another Time, a Different Novella, and an Excerpt

Tales of the Seven Dogs

The first novella I wrote for the RPG industry was for the Aletheia RPG, published by Abstract Nova Entertainment. It’s titled “Twin Designs” and was included in The Tales of the Seven Dogs Society. I contributed to the RPG, so I knew how intense the setting was. That piece allowed me to take some risks and I talked a little bit about that in my writing notes for Tales of the Seven Dogs Society. This was written in first person and I leveraged both perspectives of each brother – one a believer and one a skeptic. Ralph tends to be a lot more naive than his brother Edgar, and as the story progresses you find out why.

Due to the psychic ability that the brothers share, which is called “Presque Vu” (or the ability to see The Grand Design), the novella is more on the cerebral side. It’s a unique ability, though, and one that I loved to explore. After all, how do you know you’re interpreting your visions correctly? You could see what’s supposed to happen or have strong instincts, but do you have any idea what that means?

Here’s an excerpt from the novella:

Twin Designs

Part One: The Believer

Late at night when you’re all alone, do you ever stop to question what purpose you have in this world? Do you lie awake in your soft bed thinking “Maybe life is just some sick joke?” and wonder if you’ll be able to come back and haunt your loved ones after you’ve passed on?

I never have.

My name is Ralph Whitman and I, along with my twin brother Edgar, have the ability to see the Grand Design, a type of sight the French call “Presque Vu.” I don’t intend to sound arrogant here, but it’s just the way it is. We see connections between events that others are incapable of understanding, and we’re both able to take a step back to see whether or not a specific event will lead us closer to the Divine. Some call that higher power Fate, some God, or even a significant evolution of the Self. Call it what you will; our sight is infallible—even though sometimes our perceptions might be a bit “off.”

Now, when I say “Grand Design” I do not mean that we can foretell the future; that gift is something my brother has desperately wished for, an obsession that began when we were little kids. No, our gift is to see how events are connected to one another as part of the Master Plan, something I’m assuming all humans hope to be a part of. You see, when you know whether or not something is supposed to happen, before too long you’ll also understand why it happened.

Take the Bermuda Triangle for example. Say that you’re traveling on a cruise ship near the area, when the captain announces that a strange storm is gathering in the East. With Presque Vu, I might find out that the storm has some significance—it’s not just a random freak of nature. A few minutes pass and it’s as if my eyes are opened; I might be able to see that the storm is moving over the ocean in order to herd vessels into the Triangle. Or, I might see that the storm is an act of God meant to sink ships carrying specific passengers. Regardless, Presque Vu is an ability that is often misunderstood (or misused) because it’s a subtle art and highly complex, and of course not everyone uses it the same way.

My brother Edgar believes that those people who operate outside of the scope of the Master Plan are impoverished spirits who owe the Universe a grand debt, and are having to “do over” their mundane lives. In a way I also believe that is true, because the Plan is as real as you or me even if its purpose is beyond us all. I’m sure if I took the time to follow all of the connections we’ve seen, eventually we’d tie one truth to the next and learn the answers to the questions philosophers and theologians have spent millennia trying to uncover. What is the meaning of life? Is there a higher power? Why was I born?

I often wonder about the implications of our gift and question what would happen should we someday actually find out the Truth. I’m assuming each of our discoveries will simply lead to more questions—after all, humans aren’t really physically or mentally equipped to “see” the Divine. But sometimes I joke with Edgar about how one day I’ll end up in an asylum somewhere, dribbling milk all over my chin. So as excited as I am to be this close to uncovering the mysteries of the universe—I’m a bit terrified of the Truth’s implications. Sure, my brother and I both know there is a plan, but we don’t know whether or not the plan’s designer is a lunatic or a genius, amoral or immoral.

In the past our power has caused problems for us. You see, not every big event has to have a meaning, yet other times the smallest gesture makes a world of difference. One day a building blew up and (whoops!) it wasn’t a part of the grand plan, just some idiot bent on taking revenge for his boss not providing him with the correct type of stapler. Another time we saw on the news that a serial killer had systematically wiped out an entire family. To renew our “faith” in the plan we opened our eyes, hoping to see that this horrific, intentional act was an accident caused by a mutated mind—only to find out that the family’s death had to happen for a reason, and we were not privy to what that reason was… well, not until much later.

I guess you could say my brother and I are very lucky, because we’re able (or at least I am) to put our ability to good use, working with a team of investigators called “The Seven Dogs Society” to explore the weirdest and strangest mysteries the world has to offer. Simple truths with not-so-simple implications are often at the heart of paranormal investigation. No one knows that better than I do. No one.

We wouldn’t be here, at a sprawling Victorian mansion in Alaska, if it wasn’t for our shared ability–it’s that simple. The story of how we got here, though, well… that story isn’t simple at all. We met Terrance Chastain, one of the founders of the Seven Dogs Society, when were living on the streets of Los Angeles, running away from a world that ignored and punished us. When Terrance first saw us, we were digging through the dumpsters of a Chinese restaurant in the middle of a blistering L.A. summer—dirty, smelly, and covered in fear.

Cross-Stitch Okay, Sewing? Not So Much

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Last weekend, I took a trip to Barnes and Noble in search of care package elements and found a few things for myself. (Isn’t that always how it works out?) I found a pretty nifty kit called “Miss Woolly’s Creepy Cross-Stitch: Everything You Need to Stitch Up 6 Spooky Projects.”

The nice thing about these smaller cross-stitches, is that I can pick these up for five, ten minutes at a time and watch my stitchy progress. Though I did have to make some… Er… Mathematical changes due to distractions, LOOK, SHINY! While the tree turned out pretty good, the sewing portion… Well… THAT’s another story. Stitching in a straight line is one thing, but apparently trying to sew in one is entirely another. I had a devil of a time trying to figure that part out. What I have in my head is an image of three square fabric banners to make a rather pleasing Halloween decoration that doesn’t look like the inside of a finger-painted coloring book.

Alas, I went with a frame instead. Phooey.

    Mood: UN-sinkable
    Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: Um… *looks away*
    Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: Housework and a walk
    Yesterday’s Projects: Game, Editing, Fiction
    In My Ears: The Bliss of Silence. Well, it would be bliss if my neighbors knew how to turn down their stereo…
    Game Last Played: Battle Nations (I HAZ A BATTLE RAPTOR ZOMG!)
    Movie Last Viewed: To: Season 1, Ep. 1
    Book Last Read: Leonardo Da Vinci’s Notebooks
    Latest Artistic Project: A sewing disaster.
    Latest Release: Redwing’s Gambit for Bulldogs! the RPG




Looking for Monica’s books and games that are still in print? Visit Monica Valentinelli on Amazon’s Author Central or a bookstore near you.

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